I Can't
by unfertilizedeggs
Summary: Sequel to I Do. "You're married, Sam. To him." She took a step forward, already shaking her head, and he took a step away from her again, "I can't."


**Disclaimer:**** I don't own them; I'm just borrowing them.**

**Summary: ****Sequel to I Do. "You're married, Sam. To him." She took a step forward, already shaking her head, and he took a step away from her again, "I can't."**

**A/N:**** The long awaited sequel is **_**finally**_** here. I hope it lives up to your expectations! If I get enough interest, I'll turn this into a multi chapter fic. Or I can always just leave it as is. Let me know what you think! Remember, Reviews are better than Whore falling down an elevator shaft! [thumbs up]**

**I Can't**

The bell above the door rang out loudly but Sam stayed cooped inside of her head, lost in her thoughts. Her hands were cupped around the mug of coffee in her hand tightly, her lips pressed harshly into a thin line. If she had thought being married to Jason would get easier she was both right and wrong. In the month they had been married and living together, everything had changed. Yet, everything was still the same.

When it was just she and Jason, the rest of the world faded away. They had found a steady pace together. Not as lovers, as they once had been, but as friends. They could make each other laugh, something she hadn't done with him in years. They could share their thoughts, worries, and fears with each other. They could relax.

It was comforting; it was familiar. As much as she hated to admit it, she had missed him and the way they were with each other. There were times now though when she stayed up late, sleep evading her, worrying over falling into the same patterns. But it was different this time. They weren't actually _together_. He treated as a partner, an equal, instead of just another person to order around. Her life didn't revolve around him and what he was doing. She was her own person still, something she didn't think was possible when Jason Morgan was in her life.

It was easy to be with him without actually being with him. Sometimes she would catch a glimpse of the man she used to know. His blue eyes would sparkle with hidden amusement when she rambled, a hand covering the wide smile that threatened to creep onto his face. Somethings never changed with him. She still fell asleep on the couch waiting up for him when he got home late. After all, they were friends. She wouldn't want anything to happen to him while he was gone. They occasionally enjoyed a game of pool together; it was a challenge, since they were both experts at it. And he still didn't let her near the kitchen.

_"Shit," Sam muttered, waving her hand in front of her face to try to clear the smoke out._

_"What'd I tell you about the kitchen?" a voice rang out behind her. She jumped a mile in the air, her hand laying over her chest, trying to still her racing heart. Even though his voice had been serious, his eyes and half smirk told a different story._

_"Shit, Jason, you scared the hell out of me," she breathed, before rolling her eyes and turning her back on him. "How am I ever supposed to learn to cook without practicing?"  
_

_"Does that mean you have to burn our home down in the process?" he teased back, stepping farther into the kitchen to survey the damage. "Damn, Sam, what are you trying to make?" Every cabinet door was wide open and almost every bowl in the kitchen had some strange white paste mixed in it._

_Sam stepped to the side revealing the stove top to him and he raised his eyebrows in question. "It's a pancake, Jas," she scoffed at him. "It doesn't look _that_ bad."_

_"Sam," he gave a bark of laughter, "it looks like a hamburger." When she didn't laugh with him, but pouted in an faux-hurt way, he sighed and laughed again, "Okay, come on, let's make pancakes."_

_Her answering smile was enough for him and he eagerly began to show her how to mix the batter and pour it into the pan. His arms enclosed around her, guiding her movements, as he showed her how to flip the pancake without it landing on her head. "I did it!" she exclaimed in awe like a giddy school girl._

_"Yeah," he laughed, "you did it. Not so hard, right?"_

_"Yeah, I think I can do the next one," and he agreed, stepping out of the way so she could move around him to reach the batter. But as she she turned to face him again, batter in hand, she tripped over the flat surface of the floor, sending the gooey mess flying. As luck would have it, when she looked up, Jason was dripping it in. "Oh. My. God," she breathed and then the uncontrollable laughing fit burst through her lips._

_Jason wiped at his eyes so he could open them, glaring at her, "You think this is funny?" She was laughing too hard to voice an answer, so she settled for a nod of her head while she clutched her stomach half hunched over. Just as she stood straight again, the laughter barely dying on her lips, she felt a wet plop of something hit her square in the cheek. Her eyes went wide and she stared at Jason, jaw hanging open as he openly laughed at her. "You're right, that is kind of funny."_

_Her eyes narrowed playfully at him, as she reached behind her to the syrup they had already set on the counter, "You're going down, Morgan."_

_Jason held his hands up in surrender, cautiously stepping away from her, "Sam, you wouldn't." When she didn't respond with anything but another step toward him, he cautioned her again, "Sam, put the syrup down."_

_Her only answer was a big squirt of the sticky liquid right onto his chest. It only took Jason a half second to launch himself at her as she continued to squirt him. They wrestled each other for the bottle, only managing to cover both of them in the pancake batter and brown sticky syrup. They ended in a sticky mess tangled on the floor of the kitchen, legs intertwined. Jason was on top, Sam on the bottom, and both of their arms stretched above their heads reaching for the syrup that had been flung away from them during the playful romp._

_Then the clearing of a throat made them both freeze. In the doorway stood an awkward looking Spinelli and an amused Maxie Jones, "I told you Sam and Jason liked it kinky."_

But the moment they were apart, it was like the clouds rolled over, threatening to burst into a harsh downpour with the wrong step. Real life couldn't evade her forever and every time she left the penthouse, she was reminded of it. Her budding relationship with her mother had reached an all time low. Alexis and she had managed to overcome so much in the time they had together that Sam had somehow managed to convince herself that they could get passed this too. That Jason wouldn't be their end all to their tentative mother daughter relationship they had reached. Apparently, she was wrong, as the only time they spoke to each other was in passing.

She felt like it had been years since she had spent any time with Kristina or Molly since Alexis felt it was far too dangerous for them to be around Jason or anybody connected to him. Odd, consider who their fathers are. It was just another way to try to dictate Sam's life, she figured. She knew Alexis meant well, but sometimes it was hard to remember that.

Her relationship with Alexis wasn't the only thing strained lately. Although she and Nikolas never became quite as close as she wanted to, they had become friends. But when she married Jason, Nikolas had no qualms of voicing his disdain over that. She had a suspicion it wasn't only about his dislike for Jason, but rather the heartbreak that his brother was going through.

Lucky.

Every time she thought, heard or said that name her heart seemed to shatter a little more. That cloud above her head was the darkest, thickest cloud she had. As soon as the words "you may kiss the bride" were spoken at the ceremony, he had darted out of the room and taken off for an entire week. Sam had been out of her mind with worry over him and Elizabeth's snarky comments didn't help any.

When he finally did reappear, he avoided her like the plague. Something Sam couldn't blame him for at all. She missed him though. His smile, his dimples, his laugh. Mostly the feeling he gave her when he held her in his arms. In a weak moment, she chose to be selfish. She needed to see him more than she had needed anything before. Of course, it was a bad idea. The broken look in his eyes tore her heart in half and she had never hated herself as much as she did then. She didn't even get a single word out before her own eyes filled with tears and her head dropped down in shame.

And when she finally got the courage to look up at him again, to face him, he was gone.

And that's how it went for days. She'd see him casually around places, usually with Nikolas or the boys. Sometimes he'd be with Elizabeth and the jealousy in her would flare up to unbearable levels. She'd have to remind herself with the ring on her finger that she had no right to be jealous. She had done this all on her own.

She had her moments where she would wish with everything in her that he'd move on, find happiness. That mattered most to her; his happiness. But for the most part, she thought she wouldn't be able to bear to watch him with somebody else. To watch him smile at another woman the way he used to smile at her. To see his eyes smolder the way they used to for her. To see his perfect lips touch somebody elses. That would be Sam's personal hell.

It was unbelievable selfish, she knew, so she kept those thoughts to herself. She had no say in his future anymore. She had no hold on him. Or at least, he didn't want her to have any hold on him.

_It had been an unbelievably hard day and Sam was struggling to hold the tears at bay as she walked onto the docks. It was hard to be back in the penthouse sometimes, where everything was so familiar yet so foreign. She had accepted a long time ago that it wasn't her place in life, that she was meant for something else. And she thought she had found that something else, or at least the someone else._

_Her emotions were constantly in a whirlwind of chaos and it didn't take much to make her snap. Spinelli had insinuated that she and Jason consummate their marriage and make it into a real relationship. She harshly explained to him that she would _never_ go back into that and that she and Jason were just friends, helping each other out in a time of need. Spinelli's pitifully sad face had made her chest feel so tight she turned away in shame. But Jason was standing on the stairs, his face mirroring the walking wounded and she bolted out of the penthouse faster than lightening, afraid to let the tears fall in their presence._

_She settled herself on a bench, slightly out of sight and finally let the tears fall. She didn't need this. She shouldn't have to worry about whether she's hurting Jason's feelings or not. She had already decimated one man with this whole ordeal, ruining another one wouldn't help anybody._

_It was one of the rare moments where she let herself wish with all her heart that she had taken the other route. That instead of insisting that she marry Jason for his benefit, she had married Lucky out of the love they had for each other. They'd both be happy and Jason wouldn't even be in the picture. It was a double edged sword and she felt like she was slicing open anything and everything around her._

_As if conjured up by her mind, she heard footsteps and chanced a glance up, unsure if she actually wanted anybody to see her in that condition._

_Lucky._

_And her mind didn't even pause to think about the consequences. Her legs bolted forward, her body colliding with his at such a force he staggered backward. Her arms wrapped around his torso and after a brief moment of hesitation, his arms circled her as well. And the flood gates opened up again.  
_

_Sob after sob escaped her mouth and she couldn't seem to stop them. She was shaking and her face along with his shirt was damp with her tears. It took awhile for her to even realize that the rumbling in the chest that her ear was pressed against meant he was trying to say something to her._

_"Sam? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" his eyes were searching her frantically, frightened beyond measure of the force of her cries, while his hands unabashedly roamed her body looking for any signs of harm. "Sam, what's wrong?"_

_Her pitiful cries only seemed to grow at the concern she saw in his eyes. Then his arms wrapped around here again in a comforting manor and his soothing words whispered in her ear, "It's okay. I'm here. You're safe now."_

_And even though he had completely misread the situation, she loved him all the more for it. And before she could reason with herself, she found herself on her toes, pressing her lips against his hungrily. At first he didn't respond, his body frozen against hers. But she was persistent, her tongue darting out to trace his bottom lip, teasing him. Her body pressed against his in the most sinful way that when he groaned against her mouth and kissed her back with just as much need, her inner devil celebrated it's victory._

_His arms wrapped around her tighter, pulling her flush against his body, reminding her of how perfect she could have had it. His hardness was pressing against her belly and she wanted more. As his arms explored her back, occasionally brushing against the side of her breast, but never more, she slipped her hands between them to the hem of his shirt and tugged. He released her long enough for her to get it over his head. Then their lips were connected again._

_Lucky walked her backward against the tree, completely out of sight from anybody else who might be in the park. His lips slipped from her mouth to her jaw then down her neck so he could suck on her collarbone._

_As he made his way back up to her mouth, her own lips were tasting along his jaw. But then her mouth hovered over his ear, her tongue darting out and flicking his lobe as she whispered huskily, "I love you."  
_

_And he froze._

_Before she even realized what had happened, he had ripped himself out of her arms and was hurriedly putting his shirt back on. She stood before him, her lips swollen and bruised, her hair disheveled and her eyes pleading with him._

_"I can't," he shook his head and winced, not making eye contact with her. "Sam, I just can't."_

_"Lucky.."_

_His eyes flew up to hers and unleashed all the agony he'd gone through in the last few weeks, "You're married." His eyes flickered down to her left hand where the simple band sat on her ring finger and she fought the urge to shove it into her pockets. That stupid ring was ruining her life. "You're _married_, Sam. To _him._" She took a step forward, already shaking her head, and he took a step away from her again, "I can't."_

That had broken something inside of her. That incident with Lucky seemed to have sealed her fate. It was the last time she'd get to touch his smooth skin, to kiss his perfect lips, to be in his arms. He couldn't accept anything she could give him and she didn't blame him. But it still hurt like hell.

She hadn't even made it home that night, instead she sat on the same bench and cried all over again. She continued crying until Jason showed up, worried out of his mind. He became even more alarmed at the sight of her, but when all she did was cry Lucky's name over and over again, he simply carried her to the SUV and brought her home. She was sure it broke his heart to see her so upset over another man, as he had kept some distance between them since. It had taken a couple of days of wondering around in her pajamas, not talking, and wallowing in her own misery to snap out of it.

Since then, she had through herself wholeheartedly into moving on. She wasn't sure if it was even what she actually wanted but maybe it would be easier on Lucky if she were to move on. Maybe he could move on then too. So that's what she was doing. Moving on. She was waiting at Kelly's for her husband to show up. Spinelli had let it slip to her earlier that Jason had a romantic dinner planned on a yacht he rented for the night. They could spend in the evening in the harbor, talking and dancing and watching the stars. In order to placate the worrisome Spinelli over his error in revealing the nights events, Sam had promised to act surprised for Jason. It was okay with her, she wouldn't want to ruin this night in anyway. A part of her even considered taking Spinelli's advice and consummating the marriage. But she didn't want to mess this up so she held steady in her promise to herself to take it slow, something both she and Jason were in agreement over. Just thinking of the night to come, she felt her pulse jump and her excitement rise. Now if only her husband would hurry up and get there..

A throat clearing beside her jarred her from her thoughts and she looked up with a wide smile, "Jas-"

"Sam," Lucky looked down at her until she rose to her feet and stood before him. His eyes were hesitant, cautious even, and for some odd reason, she began to panic. Her thoughts immediately jumped to Jason. Did something happen to him? "Can we talk?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded her head, "What's wrong?"

His hand snaked out to cup her cheek and his eyes smoldered in that familiar way. Her own eyes widened in surprise and confusion, "Sam, I miss you."

"Sam?"

Her head jerked to the side and her deep brown orbs meet his bright blue ones, once again radiating hurt because of her. She stepped back out of Lucky's reach and his arms dropped to his side. He wasn't defeated this time though Instead he turned to Jason in a defensive posture while Jason mirrored his stance.

She stood between them, her head swimming in confusion. One part of her heart tugging her in one direction and the other part tugging her the opposite way. The two men broke their threatening eye contact with each other and instead their focus turned to the brunette between them.

"Sam?" Jason asked, holding his hand out to her.

She started to take a step toward him when Lucky's hand shot out to her. "Sam," he pleaded with her.

And she faltered.

How could she make this decision now? Especially when she thought there wasn't even a choice. It seemed impossible that she could love both of them. But for the first time, she realized she did. She loved them both. And she was once again forced to break one of their hearts.

Her eyes turned to upward to meet his. They were filled with tears, a couple dripping from the corner of her eye and running down her cheek. She was trying to plead with him silently and show him how much she loved him all at once. She just wanted him to understand it wasn't him. It was her.

"I can't."

_I'm sorry. _


End file.
